Justin Bieber, Canadian pop star, has opened up on his struggles with drug addiction.
In an interview with GQ Magazine, he said the situation was so bad that his body guards would sneak into his room at night to check his pulse to know if he is dead or alive.
“It was like I had all this success and it was like I’m still sad, and I’m still in pain. And I still have these unresolved issues, and I thought all the success was going to make everything good. And so for me, the drugs were a numbing agent to just continue to get through,” he said.
The singer said he started taking pills and smoking cannabis when he was 13
Aside from the emptiness that Bieber felt within himself, he also recalled struggling to maintain relationships and even the ways that he started to mistreat people around him.
“You’re a kid and you don’t have an identity yet, and you’re trying to figure out who you are, and to have everyone saying how good you are, how incredible you are? You just start to believe that stuff. And ego sets in. And then that’s where insecurities come in,” he said. “Then you start treating people a certain way and feeling superior and above people. And then there’s this whole dynamic shift. I just woke up one day and I’m just like, Who am I? I didn’t know. And that was scary to me.”
Bieber ultimately found stability after what would become his rock bottom through his relationships with God and his wife Hailey Bieber, both of which gave him the courage to get through the hard times, rather than escaping them. “To be honest, I am a lot healthier, and I did have a lot of things going on. I did have mono, and I do have Lyme disease,” he said. “But I was also navigating a lot of emotional terrain, which had a lot to do with it. And we like to blame a lot of things on other things. Sometimes… It’s a lot of times just your own stuff.”
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Admitting he “was sad inside” has allowed Bieber to acknowledge how far he’s come and how much he’s gained in his personal life. “Before, I didn’t have that to look forward to in my life. My home life was unstable. Like, my home life was not existing. I didn’t have a significant other. I didn’t have someone to love. I didn’t have someone to pour into. But now I have that,” he said. “I have meetings now, which I was never very good at. …But now I’m like, ‘Okay, in order to be a healthy individual, this is what healthy adults do. They have schedules, they have calendars, they go by their calendar,’ and it’s beneficial, right? It’s not that it’s rocket science. But for me it’s like I lived this crazy lifestyle and this was just not the norm.”
Still, the “Holy” singer knows that his life and career continue to be outside of the norm, although it’s what he feels he was called to do. “It’s just rewarding to be all that you were designed to be. And I believe that, at this point in my life, I’m right where I’m supposed to be, doing what I believe that God wants me to do,” he said. “And there’s nothing more fulfilling.”